Intent...

I had every intention of going grocery shopping - list, menu planned, cash, full gas tank and my car keys. Not 2 minutes into the drive this happened...see above and 2 minutes later her sister followed suit. So here I am parked on the side of the road wondering, waiting, trying to keep them from waking up. Do I drive to Monterey to go to Traders assuming they will wake up by then...and if they don't, then what? Do I stay parked here? Transferring from the car to bed always results in woken up cranky kids. Safeway? Not far enough away. Drive home park in the driveway until they wake up. Do you remember when you use to grocery shop alone and not at 11pm?

Shadows

i have sisters. 3 sisters. Elizabeth. Rebekah. Sarah. sisters is the english word for angels. each of my angels has played a very important role in who i am, who i am striving to be and who i have been in my previous years. they have each decided what role they have wanted and are willing to play in my life.

Elizabeth: she is my oldest angel. she is an angel with a huge heart. we are all lucky in this life to have people who love us in our lives but Elizabeth does all that she can for those she loves. for examples she was there when i gave birth to my first child, linkin. it was a difficult, long, hard delivery and she stayed all night to help...even when it wasn't fun anymore. she stuck by me at one of my most challenging times. she made all my wedding cakes (i didn't have multiple weddings. i had multiple wedding cakes all at the same wedding). i can't tell you how late she stayed up making them but i can tell you they tasted like heaven. on my wedding day as my husbands best man gave a wonderful speech about him i feared that no one would get up and speak on my behalf...guess who did, Elizabeth. once again i was loved. when graduation day came and it was time for me to leave the nest and head to college she came to my rescue. she set me up with a place to live and told me her door was always open. she eventually took me in and let me live with her and her family. again, i felt loved. i can remember as a child waiting by the window for her to come home from sacramento. i waited there so long i heard my mother say repeatedly "a pot that is watched never boils". i would have waited there all day if i had too. Elizabeth has been not only my angel but my best friend.

Rebekah: she is the second oldest angel. she is an angel that i am sure in the previous life was bbfs with Christ himself. (serious, i am not being blasphemous) Rebekah is an angel that will teach you how to love unconditionally. when all reason says to be angry and lock the door to love she loves. she gives. she works. for example, when i was pregnant with bentley and wasn't sure i could see the light at the end of the tunnel she drove all the down to my house to help me clean, prepare meals for several weeks and talk the day away with me. she makes an effort to let you know she cares, like her same day trip down for Seth's 30th birthday. she is real. she is exactly who she says she is, doesn't profess to be something she isn't. she would give you her left shoe if you needed it. there has never been a question in my mind if this angel loved me. as a child i remember her taking me with her to the lamb barns to feed her lamb. she worked so hard. at night when i would wake up and she would be in the kitchen cleaning up and doing the dishes when everyone else was asleep and would make me a PB&J and put me back to bed. Rebekah has not only been my angel but my best friend.

Sarah: she is my third oldest angel. she is an angel that has given support and strength when it was needed most. for example, when i had to conquer a very daunting task of taking bentley, my 4 month old to stanford for an mri in which she would be sedated alone, this angel came with me quietly cancelling her appointments and providing me with lunch. the huge daunting task didn't seem so hard with an angel by my side. this angel invited me to join her in what has become one of the most rewarding accomplishments of my life - the nike womens half marathon. it wasn't long after i had bentley that she called an invited me to join her. shortly after i agreed i began to doubt myself and she would reassure me that I could accomplish this. 3 miles into the race i began to panic, i didn't have to say anything and she just quietly said "one mile at a time. one mile and a time" my fear was gone. as a kid i remember sharing a room with her. there is nothing more special about sharing a room with an angel. When she went off to college she would invite me over to visit her in SLO. those were many of my favorite childhood memories. Sarah has not only been my angel but my best friend.

i am forever indebted to these three angels. my life has been truly blessed by them.

I have a father

I consider myself very lucky to have been raised in a home full of love, happiness, boundaries and spirituality. I have two amazing parents. I know we all feel that our parents are great-because they are, they raised us. However my parents are exceptionally amazing. Not only did they manage to raise 6 very different, very strong-willed children they managed to do amazing things in there personal lives.

My mother (briefly since it is fathers day) has made a huge impact in our home ward. She has helped countless women become stronger better mothers, from giving advice to holding a crying baby while a mother can sleep. she has served. She has used her talents in the arts to help the community from painting the cafeteria walls to delivering handmade card to those celebrating a special event. Lastly and with great importance she has supported my father, her husband through countless concerts, art project, hartnell classes, and community events and all the while thinking "wow, mr. Graham is a hottie" (a direct quote). Thank you mom, for being supportive of a wonderful father.

As for the man of the hour, my father, Bruce Chambers Graham...he is a man who stood his ground. I remember as a youth getting ready to go to the movies, in the car ready to back out of the driveway with a car full of friends he looked over at me and with no hesitation said "you won't be wearing that to the movies go in and change". My body ached with embarrassment. However i knew two things at that moment, first, my father paid attention and cared about me and second, he had strong morals and standard for not only himself but for me as well.

My fathers impact on our community is one that can not and will not ever be replicated. He has touched the lives of so many children. From teaching them to play an instrument to teaching them to understand they have great purpose in life. Literally helping children who are struggling in their personal lives and giving the direction, hope and a stepping stone for success. He has changed the course of many children in king city for better. The community understand his role in the city and highly respects him and are willing to give support and help to him.

My father has been a great role in our home ward. He has used his talents to write music for our ward which has spread like wildfire and now being used throughout the stake. He has taught countless firesides about music and sung our favorite songs. He has worked with many youth, teaching them by example.

My fathers impact on his posterity is one that will live on forever. My children speak of him often. Reminding me to tell him how they learned a song or ran a mile...because they know he cares. They know he loves them. They know he knows them.

I was raised by two exceptional patents. For this I am grateful.

To an exceptional father I say, happy fathers day! I love you pops and am blessed, truly blessed to be called your daughter.

Summer Time

here are the things we know about summer....

there will be kids up past their bedtime

it won't get over 80 degrees

we will spend more money on gas than usual

there will be grown-ups awake past their bedtime

there will be more laundry and dishes to do

we will run a lot

we will go to big sur as much as possible


i will be cooking


we will step foot on utah soil


we will watch the sunset on the beach more than once


i will lose 20 lbs


we will have lots of family time


we will see our cousions and love every minute of it


we will sleep in a tent more than once


we will laugh a lot


we will have fun


we will embrace every moment


we will soak up the sun


we will be happy!





SUMMER TIME!

final word on the hair drama

i know how much cyberspace is invested in my hair and what i do with it so here's the final product!

more hair issues

still not over the "chop it off" feeling!

Issues....

so heres the thing...hair. as i have said so many times before...i have hair issues. i am currently growing my hair out. here is the goal...

lets not get ahead of ourselves. im not blonde. not 19 yrs old. im not 100 pounds. my hair is no where near that length. here is my current status...

now i have committed to 6 more weeks of this hair thing...growing thing. i promised my niece harper and let me tell you i have had my doubts for the past two days about this promise. but what will that make me? a promise breaker? it would. so to avoid being a promise breaker here is what i have come up with to distract myself from actually cutting my hair. i figured this might help me get a deeper understanding of my desire. and maybe get my mind off of my hair. (well that might be too much to ask)

so here it is....

a good in between

the long/short cut

the pixie cut - i love

"the one"

before we make up our minds...because i am sure we will all agree the short cuts are SO cute. lets take a look down my memory lane. because i am fully aware i wholeheartedly admire all these women. they have been through hours of hair and make-up to create these looks. they have lots of money for upkeep. they are all 30 lbs lighter than i am. so lets compare apples to apples...

long - its been years...13

short without bangs

short with bangs

pixie

so after searching through photos of myself...wow this feels like a vain post....it hasn't helped me in my decision. there are some photos i like my long hair and some short i don't like. it is just so hard to say. here is what i do know...today....i feel like my "long" hair never looks great. i mean i feel like it always looks bleh. between my hair, extra weight and my mini van i scream middle-age mom. when really i am a young, funky, fun loving mom. however looking back at some short hair pictures i see there are plenty of non-great hair days there too. there is always my back up plan or "the temptation" as i call it is....

the temptation

the tenth commandment

the following are the current items that remind me almost daily of the tenth commandment. most of them are currently sitting in a "cart" in an open browser waiting to be purchased. just the same with "the boots". but as time passed they sold out and when i refreshed they were gone. they too remind me...

so for now...here's my list....

Her name is Sadie...

She lives life in reverse....

Her shoes are alway in the wrong feet

When wanting to unbuckling from her booster she says "can I buckle up?"

She pushes her bangs to the side against her natural part

When you ask her the high of her day she will tell you her low of the day

When she's cold she will ask you to turn on the air conditioner

Life in reverse...

Picture taken by Sadie

here are the facts

fact #1 it's a king size bed skirt on a queen bed

fact #2 the kids decided to move the bed in search of the lost stapler

fact #3 I would rather leave it like so than to put forth the effort to fix it today. It's not an easy task (see fact #1)

fact #4 but I will

I'm the one

who waits in the turn lane too long to make sure the coast is clear


who is seldom seen in the movie theater

who goes through the drive thru for a diet coke

who has hair issues

who wears flip flops in the rain

who sits in the driveway with the car on just for some alone time

who loves the beach

who talks during a tv show...and commercials

who goes puddle jumping

who loves big earring but not with a necklace.

who loves heels but often wears flats

Look At Us!

what a silly pair of love birds! this was just before seths mission. i love this picture.

a city girl

i feel the desire to be a city girl. this is so far from who i am considering i grew up in small town and now live only 50 miles from there. however sometimes i wonder what it would be like living in the city in a small apartment, no car, lots of shoes, sushi, a tube of red lipstick, annual museum passes, an umbrella, an iPad, an expensive party dress, a city map, and a roll of quarters. Life in the city.

last night i had a chance to hear a man speak about making positive changes in his life. making changes and trying to do better on a daily bases. it really hit me when he said he was 67, not that he is SO old, i realized at that point that perfection doesn't come with age. when i am 67 i will still be working on myself. i am a work in progress and will always be. there is no race to perfection. understanding that no one is perfect. we learn that. we learn no one is perfect but some how i manage to convince myself that those people around me are perfect. people don't like to talk about their weaknesses or downfalls rather about their successes. and i admit life would be yucky if we all sat around talking about our downfalls. for me its not about sitting around beating myself up but rather realizing that i am just like everyone else - not perfect. there is no reason to hate myself or stress over my imperfections. I have a life time to change and grow. realizing that one day at a time doesn't mean be perfect in all things today. it means today i can strive to do a few things better than yesterday.

today i will love myself a little more than yesterday.

Beach Fun

we had a great time at the beach on Saturday! The sun was shinning, it was hot and we had great company. The day really warmed my soul!

Sadies first bloody nose and all I got was this picture

It's become a tradition for the kids to walk home from the mail box around the corner from our house after I pick up the mail. I usually stop to get the mail after running errands and the kids walk and I drive alongside them. Sounds silly but the feel so independent.

So the kids are playing near the mail box while I check the mail. Sadie's nose and Linkin's head collide. Sadie started crying so I tell her to come here for a hug and a kiss. On the way over to me it happens...her nose starts bleeding. Then she notices it's bleeding and that's when the REAL tears begin. She's not one for losing blood.

Needless to say she didn't walk home. I didn't think to take a quick photo. I guess under the circumstance it would have been to much to ask for a smile. So the next day I got a picture of the blood stained sidewalk.

Sadies broken bleed as she calls it...

Goals, we all have them. This is mine.

Some days I wish I were still a kid

I'm kind of a big deal

So Mandy posted on fb that she was doing s bucket list. My thoughts where this, "that's great but I don't have things to put on a list".

Last night I decided to put print my blog and have it bound. Which is something I have wanted to do for a long time.

Today I drove myself to big sur. Which is a huge deal because I never thought I could because of my fear of heights. How liberating.

Today I decided to make a bucket list! Looks like I have things I'd like to do in this life!

New Age Photo Album

so the honest truth is, i don't scrapbook. it is a great idea. the results are lovely. i wish i did. i say i hope to. but the truth is i don't. i blog. i post photos. i facebook. but yes the question often crosses my mind what happens if blogging is no longer. what if fb vanishes. so i have made a decision and i am going to follow through...

supposedly one can have their photos uploaded to a website, organized in a book and printed all for a reasonable price. how great is that! great! so i have decided that i am going to do a few of them. heres the plan...

1. my younger years*

2. seths younger years*

3. seth and chelsea*

4. linkin birth-7yrs*

5. sadie birth-3yrs

6. b birth-1yrs

then i am thinking once a year i can do one for each of the kids and one for seth and i. after several years we will have volumes of family photos bound and worry-free.

so today i promise to complete 6 photo books by dec 2011.

*maybe more complicated because scanning is involved

our fl vacation is in full swing

yesterday we had an amazing trip to the state park. wow, what a beautiful place. there was so much to see. mother nature is truly amazing. i got choked up a few times just walking through it all.

today has been a great day with merrick. he is one sweet little boy. he is very well behaved and just adoreable. we pick up mason from school in a bit and will have to do a few fun things tonight before bed.

i sure to miss mr word and my little ones!

FL here we come!

raw

no excuses. no im sorry. no politically correct. doesn't mean i don't love them. doesn't mean i don't see the blessing. just raw. raw emotion...

i am a mom of two special needs children. i am a mom of two special needs children. i determined months ago that the feeling i am having at this point in my life is like being on a roller coaster the second time with a major fear of heights. you know what to expect and somehow that makes it harder. seth said its like breaking your arm once on accident and then the next time having someone tell you they are going to break your arm.

it is taboo to discuss your feelings in public about having children with special needs. it is always followed up with "but look how sweet they are" or "yes but you can see the blessings". usually i can handle these responses and they do make sense. i am sure i would/have said the same things to people in a similar situation. why? becuase their is no other pc answer. "yes, that is hard and must really hurt" isn't acceptable because somehow by voicing your opinion about the sadness you feel regarding your childs needs make you sound ungrateful for the blessing of a child. or makes others think that you love them less. or that you blame God and can't see past to the beauty he has given you. but that isn't farther from the truth. i do love my children. when i look at linkin in the eyes i want to embrace him and tell him how extremely proud of him i am. and tell him that i am blown away at his strength and determination. i love his strong desire to push through the impossible. yes, i love my children. i saw miricles happen in my life because of linkin. my relationship with my savor grew so much because of linkin. does that take away the feeling of sadness when i see another 9 month old baby that is on the verge of walking? no. no it doesn't. should it? maybe.

each day i try to embrace B for who she is and what personal milestones she is making. my heart skips a beat when she sits on my lap and reaches for the magazine i am reading. shen she screams so loud she makes herself laugh melts my heart. i try to remind myself that this is all temporary and that one day this will all be behind her. when her eyes drift swifty around i remind myself that she will overcome these trials. when her arms are weak and her ataxia is pronounced i remind myself that one day she will sew. in her own time.

their is no where to voice my feelings with out fear of being judge, misunderstood of feeling the need to say "but i love them". i wish we could all understand that that is a given. i love my children. i love them more that i could ever express.

The iPhone Amazement

So it hits me....maybe I can blog via my iPhone. Nope couldn't, bummer. Today it hits me again...maybe there's an app for that! Omh there is!

It's official I can blog from my phone...(even with 11% battery)

Beware, I'm going to be blogging from my car (while waiting for link to get out of school. NOT while driving), the bank while standing in line, the store while wishing Stacy and Clinton where there to see this "what not to wear" must see! Oh this is great!!!

Krazy

this whole krazy coupon thing is an interesting adventure. you know how some people have writers block? well i had shopping block. what women has shopping block? i chipped, i filed, i read the website, i made my list and pulled out the right coupons but yet i couldn't walk in the door. fear, fear that i could fail or become miserably embarrassed when attention at the check outline was directed at me and my coupons.

well monday was the day. i pulled myself together and went to the store. Here is the amount i saved...

safeway savings - $87 (30 percent savings)

walgreen savings - $28 (almost 50 percent savings)

earlier in the week i went to target and hit their huge toy sale for birthday gifts and christmas gifts for this year and old navy had their 80 percent off sale so i made an appearance.

target savings - $170 (70 percent savings)

old navy - $54 (70 perfect savings)

there are a few things i realized after my first krazy shopping -

1. i had to take it slow. i just started this. i am not going to have a coupon for everything yet. i will get better and better with time.

2. it isn't just about the coupons. it is also about watching the sales and buying things that are on sale. then adding a coupon to the sale price is where the big win is. i was able to get cereal - good, name brand cereal - for $1.25 originally $3 -$4 per box. i got several bottles of juice for.99 cents.

3. make sure they charge you the right amount. after leaving walgreens i realized they didn't give me the sale price on 2 items. so i am going to go back.

4. i am motivated to have a year food storage.

i feel like my baby steps gave me big savings. i am sure as i work on it and following the plan i will continue with big savings. yay for being krazy.

i want to be a krazy coupon lady....

i want to be a krazy coupon lady. i have every desire to be a krazy coupon lady. i have started the printing and the beginning stages of putting my binder together. i am truly hoping that it will all click for me and i will be a success story. i will see the amazing savings that others speak of. i truly want this for me! my friend desirae gave me a crash course on it today and i am hoping with her help and the help of thekrazycouponlady.com that i will become a master.

on the other hand....

how amazing is this? amazing. i also have every desire to have this done to my hands. how neat is this? i have been searching for the perfect khussa and in doing so i found this picture....beautiful. now i must find a place that will do it for me....maybe sadie will do it with her permanent marker....hmmmm.

Chelsea Lately

i have the photos, i have 15 minutes but do i have the words? mrs. wordy is not so wordy today...

as a result of trying to get a nice photo of seth (fresh out of the shower) i got this. silly boy.

linkin pulled out his other front tooth. with dental floss i might add. i always thought that was a bunch of junk. he didn't do the dental floss/door idea rather the dental floss tied in a slip knot and yank it was out. woah!

sadie, sadie, sadie...the permanent marker says it all... ok maybe not all. we started doing preschool at home this week. the first day she was convinced that it was pretend preschool. she called me teacher. she explained to me that irene (her previous preschool teacher) did not wear earring and tried to assist me in taking them off. to date, however, she is enjoying her preschool time with me.
B...are there words for you B? words that can express your sweetness, your beauty and your smiling eyes? LOVE

Update Minus The Update

i have been wanting to blog, needing to blog, hoping to blog however life has led me other directions lately. the house is quiet - sadie is passed out on the floor clinging on to her bag of fishy for dear life. link is fast asleep in the "sleepover" room, alone. B is bundled up nice and snug in her pack n play asleep. the house is in need of a cleaning, one of the cleanings where you stay awake until 1am cleaning and organizing every thing but alas my blog needs up dating so i must give in to the needs of my blog.

as i went through my pictures of our lives over the past month deciding which ones i would use in my post I realized that there was no way that i would be able catch up. so here i am sitting in the quiet of the house...me and my blog and a messy house...

ok maybe ill be inspired to post some photos but until then here it is...

my landlord asked us (again) if we took out the trash. when seth responded with "Yes" (which was the truth) he said "oh well, i noticed some of the similar things from last week were in there". end of story.

this week i took B in for her assessment at the Medical Therapy Unit in n. salinas. as i stepped up onto the sidewalk i couldn't help but think "wow, how ironic" maybe it isn't ironic. maybe there is a high percentage of families that have more than one child with special needs. but some how it is ironic to me. its like someone hit the repeat button in the game of "my life". ironic that link had eye surgery (which some how symbolized the end of his special needs adventures) nov 1st and B's mri was nov 2nd (which begun her special needs adventures). end of story.

double rainbow so intense. christmas is so intense. it is like a big firework. we all gather together get out our blankets enjoy the show and it all ends with a beautiful bang. i loved christmas this year. everything about it. family, fun, jokes, church the following day, it was beautiful. end of story.

i have had some time the past few weeks to spend at the beach. i wish i was there now. the sound of the waves, the look of the sky, the sand in my toes, the feeling of peace, the taste of the sea breeze. awwww......end of story.

cousin week rocked. payton, zane and eli came and spent a weekish with me (and the kids, i suppose). we did it all. the kids were great. fun was had by all parties. i am hoping we can do it again some time. end of story.

seth and i have been married for 9 years yesterday. amazing. he surprised me with a night stay at the mariposa in monterey. it was so fun. what a wonderful, thoughtful, loving husband. the mariposa is where we spent our first night as a married couple. end of story..............

the house is not so quiet now, B is crying. i need some chapstick.

The End