raw

no excuses. no im sorry. no politically correct. doesn't mean i don't love them. doesn't mean i don't see the blessing. just raw. raw emotion...

i am a mom of two special needs children. i am a mom of two special needs children. i determined months ago that the feeling i am having at this point in my life is like being on a roller coaster the second time with a major fear of heights. you know what to expect and somehow that makes it harder. seth said its like breaking your arm once on accident and then the next time having someone tell you they are going to break your arm.

it is taboo to discuss your feelings in public about having children with special needs. it is always followed up with "but look how sweet they are" or "yes but you can see the blessings". usually i can handle these responses and they do make sense. i am sure i would/have said the same things to people in a similar situation. why? becuase their is no other pc answer. "yes, that is hard and must really hurt" isn't acceptable because somehow by voicing your opinion about the sadness you feel regarding your childs needs make you sound ungrateful for the blessing of a child. or makes others think that you love them less. or that you blame God and can't see past to the beauty he has given you. but that isn't farther from the truth. i do love my children. when i look at linkin in the eyes i want to embrace him and tell him how extremely proud of him i am. and tell him that i am blown away at his strength and determination. i love his strong desire to push through the impossible. yes, i love my children. i saw miricles happen in my life because of linkin. my relationship with my savor grew so much because of linkin. does that take away the feeling of sadness when i see another 9 month old baby that is on the verge of walking? no. no it doesn't. should it? maybe.

each day i try to embrace B for who she is and what personal milestones she is making. my heart skips a beat when she sits on my lap and reaches for the magazine i am reading. shen she screams so loud she makes herself laugh melts my heart. i try to remind myself that this is all temporary and that one day this will all be behind her. when her eyes drift swifty around i remind myself that she will overcome these trials. when her arms are weak and her ataxia is pronounced i remind myself that one day she will sew. in her own time.

their is no where to voice my feelings with out fear of being judge, misunderstood of feeling the need to say "but i love them". i wish we could all understand that that is a given. i love my children. i love them more that i could ever express.

The iPhone Amazement

So it hits me....maybe I can blog via my iPhone. Nope couldn't, bummer. Today it hits me again...maybe there's an app for that! Omh there is!

It's official I can blog from my phone...(even with 11% battery)

Beware, I'm going to be blogging from my car (while waiting for link to get out of school. NOT while driving), the bank while standing in line, the store while wishing Stacy and Clinton where there to see this "what not to wear" must see! Oh this is great!!!

Krazy

this whole krazy coupon thing is an interesting adventure. you know how some people have writers block? well i had shopping block. what women has shopping block? i chipped, i filed, i read the website, i made my list and pulled out the right coupons but yet i couldn't walk in the door. fear, fear that i could fail or become miserably embarrassed when attention at the check outline was directed at me and my coupons.

well monday was the day. i pulled myself together and went to the store. Here is the amount i saved...

safeway savings - $87 (30 percent savings)

walgreen savings - $28 (almost 50 percent savings)

earlier in the week i went to target and hit their huge toy sale for birthday gifts and christmas gifts for this year and old navy had their 80 percent off sale so i made an appearance.

target savings - $170 (70 percent savings)

old navy - $54 (70 perfect savings)

there are a few things i realized after my first krazy shopping -

1. i had to take it slow. i just started this. i am not going to have a coupon for everything yet. i will get better and better with time.

2. it isn't just about the coupons. it is also about watching the sales and buying things that are on sale. then adding a coupon to the sale price is where the big win is. i was able to get cereal - good, name brand cereal - for $1.25 originally $3 -$4 per box. i got several bottles of juice for.99 cents.

3. make sure they charge you the right amount. after leaving walgreens i realized they didn't give me the sale price on 2 items. so i am going to go back.

4. i am motivated to have a year food storage.

i feel like my baby steps gave me big savings. i am sure as i work on it and following the plan i will continue with big savings. yay for being krazy.

i want to be a krazy coupon lady....

i want to be a krazy coupon lady. i have every desire to be a krazy coupon lady. i have started the printing and the beginning stages of putting my binder together. i am truly hoping that it will all click for me and i will be a success story. i will see the amazing savings that others speak of. i truly want this for me! my friend desirae gave me a crash course on it today and i am hoping with her help and the help of thekrazycouponlady.com that i will become a master.

on the other hand....

how amazing is this? amazing. i also have every desire to have this done to my hands. how neat is this? i have been searching for the perfect khussa and in doing so i found this picture....beautiful. now i must find a place that will do it for me....maybe sadie will do it with her permanent marker....hmmmm.

Chelsea Lately

i have the photos, i have 15 minutes but do i have the words? mrs. wordy is not so wordy today...

as a result of trying to get a nice photo of seth (fresh out of the shower) i got this. silly boy.

linkin pulled out his other front tooth. with dental floss i might add. i always thought that was a bunch of junk. he didn't do the dental floss/door idea rather the dental floss tied in a slip knot and yank it was out. woah!

sadie, sadie, sadie...the permanent marker says it all... ok maybe not all. we started doing preschool at home this week. the first day she was convinced that it was pretend preschool. she called me teacher. she explained to me that irene (her previous preschool teacher) did not wear earring and tried to assist me in taking them off. to date, however, she is enjoying her preschool time with me.
B...are there words for you B? words that can express your sweetness, your beauty and your smiling eyes? LOVE

Update Minus The Update

i have been wanting to blog, needing to blog, hoping to blog however life has led me other directions lately. the house is quiet - sadie is passed out on the floor clinging on to her bag of fishy for dear life. link is fast asleep in the "sleepover" room, alone. B is bundled up nice and snug in her pack n play asleep. the house is in need of a cleaning, one of the cleanings where you stay awake until 1am cleaning and organizing every thing but alas my blog needs up dating so i must give in to the needs of my blog.

as i went through my pictures of our lives over the past month deciding which ones i would use in my post I realized that there was no way that i would be able catch up. so here i am sitting in the quiet of the house...me and my blog and a messy house...

ok maybe ill be inspired to post some photos but until then here it is...

my landlord asked us (again) if we took out the trash. when seth responded with "Yes" (which was the truth) he said "oh well, i noticed some of the similar things from last week were in there". end of story.

this week i took B in for her assessment at the Medical Therapy Unit in n. salinas. as i stepped up onto the sidewalk i couldn't help but think "wow, how ironic" maybe it isn't ironic. maybe there is a high percentage of families that have more than one child with special needs. but some how it is ironic to me. its like someone hit the repeat button in the game of "my life". ironic that link had eye surgery (which some how symbolized the end of his special needs adventures) nov 1st and B's mri was nov 2nd (which begun her special needs adventures). end of story.

double rainbow so intense. christmas is so intense. it is like a big firework. we all gather together get out our blankets enjoy the show and it all ends with a beautiful bang. i loved christmas this year. everything about it. family, fun, jokes, church the following day, it was beautiful. end of story.

i have had some time the past few weeks to spend at the beach. i wish i was there now. the sound of the waves, the look of the sky, the sand in my toes, the feeling of peace, the taste of the sea breeze. awwww......end of story.

cousin week rocked. payton, zane and eli came and spent a weekish with me (and the kids, i suppose). we did it all. the kids were great. fun was had by all parties. i am hoping we can do it again some time. end of story.

seth and i have been married for 9 years yesterday. amazing. he surprised me with a night stay at the mariposa in monterey. it was so fun. what a wonderful, thoughtful, loving husband. the mariposa is where we spent our first night as a married couple. end of story..............

the house is not so quiet now, B is crying. i need some chapstick.

The End

I have a Birthday Sister...Do you?

This time every year I think of my Birthday Sister, Lyndee Rodgers. We all have some one some where that shares our birthday. Growing up I ALWAYS thought it was wonderful that Lyndee and I were birthday sisters. Not only did we share the same birthday, same year and live in the same town BUT we were born in the SAME hospital! So nautrally our mothers were in labor at the same hospital at the same time. Amazing right?!?

Just over 3 years ago things got even more crazy! I recieved a call or a text from Amanda, who Lyndee and I both share as a BFF. Letting me know that Lyndee was having her twins. I think I let out the biggest OMGOSH! I have ever let out. Why? Because I was in the hospital having Sadie. So our children were born on the same day same year.

So not only are we Birthday Sister, we are Birthday Sister who have Birthday Children. Haha

So to Lyndee, my birthday sister I say...

Happy birthday (tomorrow) to my Birthday Sister. You are truly one of the kindest, sweetest people with such a big heart. You have a beautiful smile that fills the room. You are some one I have always looked up to and admired. Happy Birthday Lyndee.

(I wish I had a photo of the two of us to share. Lyndee we will have to be sure to take one on our Dirty Thirty trip!)